yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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