the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
whose ass print is on the piano?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
