this beer tastes like vomit already
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
