I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
