I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
