I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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