just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
