my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
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