I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She swung at the pinata with crutches
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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