More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
