yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
