I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
