It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she peed on how many people?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
