I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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