Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
