If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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