this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I think my nap took me to another dimension
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