thus making me awesome and them whores
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
