I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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