i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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