i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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