he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
