i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
