I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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