He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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