we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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