I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
