she looked like the before picture.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
