I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
