Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
