I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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