dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
