You're so nebulous sometimes
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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