Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
