If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
two words: eviction party
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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