And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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