the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
