apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
