I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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