I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
