remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
