med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
