You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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