I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Girls should come with a carfax report
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Randomize
