Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
