the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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