So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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