I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
