Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
