that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
