Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
