We named our party play list daddy issues
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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