I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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