id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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