two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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