Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
P.S. I can't hear my feet
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
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All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I want to fling myself into the sun
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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