You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
