Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize