I wish my penis had an off switch
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
