their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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