u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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