Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
