this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
