I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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