I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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