Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She bit a glass in half.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
