the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
