my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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