Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
