So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
