i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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