on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
