I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
