When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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