And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
