I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
