Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
