dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
