I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
