question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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