Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
