why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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