member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
