Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
