My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.