Texts From Last Night

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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  New invention idea: vibrating tampons

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  (832): New invention idea: vibrating tampons http://tfl.nu/xv0s
  Replies (36) Good night (3575) Bad night (838)
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  (772): View more from Florida

  What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?

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  (772): What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous? http://tfl.nu/ray0
  Replies (14) Good night (1243) Bad night (2619)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I am the king of creep.

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  (262): I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me". (262): I am the king of creep. http://tfl.nu/3401
  Replies (12) Good night (3416) Bad night (1034)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.

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  (630): i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag. http://tfl.nu/wsec
  Replies (14) Good night (2787) Bad night (771)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.

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  (843): Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table. http://tfl.nu/84sw
  Replies (13) Good night (2714) Bad night (1163)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.

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  (989): i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today. http://tfl.nu/t5a7
  Replies (13) Good night (1072) Bad night (3888)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker

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  (617): I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker http://tfl.nu/yzaq
  Replies (25) Good night (6494) Bad night (979)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man

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  (502): At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man http://tfl.nu/m2kp
  Replies (12) Good night (3138) Bad night (942)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Don't text me with that hand

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  (410): SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR (610): Don't text me with that hand http://tfl.nu/c1bj
  Replies (16) Good night (3523) Bad night (738)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!

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  (207): You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?! http://tfl.nu/i02d
  Replies (15) Good night (1859) Bad night (511)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.

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  (815): I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets. http://tfl.nu/choe
  Replies (4) Good night (1493) Bad night (530)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.

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  (918): I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me. http://tfl.nu/t73s
  Replies (4) Good night (508) Bad night (720)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?

  (1-601): View more from Mississippi

  Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.

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  (601): So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking? (1-601): Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity. http://tfl.nu/35ca
  Replies (2) Good night (937) Bad night (297)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again

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  (863): I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again http://tfl.nu/i6de
  Replies (3) Good night (584) Bad night (284)
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  (805): View more from California

  We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l

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  (805): We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l http://tfl.nu/bdgq
  Replies (1) Good night (384) Bad night (240)

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