HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
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My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
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We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.