It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.